I have noticed that I see life in a different way than most people. I will be the first one to admit that I see it negatively and hard most of the time. I see the bad things, the horrible suffering, the famine, the war, the people suffering, the animals suffering, pretty much anything you can think of, I see in a bad light. I could see a very happy couple with kids walking in the park, yet in my mind I am thinking "he is sleeping with his secretary or is secretly gay, she is having an affair with the pool guy or has an eating disorder or is an alcoholic or pill head, the kids are cute now but they will grow up to get pregnant, and be drug addicts"...Yes, unfortunately that is how I would interpret that situation and visual at the park. I started thinking a little deeper about it, and I realized why I see things this way.
It is because the devil makes me see things this way.
The devil knows just how to get to me. If he knows I don't want to read a certain story in the paper and try to avoid it at all costs, he will make damn sure that I somehow end up seeing that story, or see that horrible picture. There is a beach I have to look straight at that has a lot of cats who live there. Feral, yes, but they still live there, it is there home. The devil knows I have to stare at that beach every morning for 3 minutes on the way to work at 5:30 in the morning, wondering where all the cats are, if they are doing ok, and if the people rebuilding the park would know to move the cats, or at least keep them safe. The devil knows that will drag me and drag me, until I make that turn, and it still drags me until I pull into work, where my now image of the world is brought way down. I would never say the devil is good, I will never the say the devil is clever, the only credit I will ever give the devil is that he is a master manipulator. I refuse to give him so much power. I am changing the route to work in which I take starting tomorrow. I know it will still be there, but there is nothing I can do about it, it is for the city, and I pray the cats are alright, but why stare and stare at it for 3 minutes every morning when all it does is bring me down? The devil knows how to hurt me. The devil says "This will hurt her, make sure she sees this, or thinks this way, or things happen to make her think this way" Her mom died, so let's make her hate God because if God was so great then how could he take her mom away? Yes, I got her right where I want her."
Well, no you don't. At least not anymore. I have realized now that you, devil, are the reason I see the world the way I do. You can be classified as evil, I understand not everyone believes in God or the Devil but I definitely believe in God so if you believe in God you believe in the devil. Well, I may know you exist, but I do not "believe in you" anymore. You have done nothing for me other than take things away from me, caused me pain, caused me to see things and experience things I could have lived without, knew how to get to me, how to see that horrible article or to be switching channels and see something that will devastate me for weeks. You know I will stumble upon something and have to read it or watch it even if it kills me to see such things. For a while there, I doubted all of it. My mom was gone, things were happening and I questioned life and its meaning and how such bad things could happen to such good people. I recently realized, God does not let those things happen to those people, free will and the devil does. The unfortunate casualties of 9/11 (which I seem to think about daily for some reason)...(incidentally, that is the devil winning)...I often wonder, what it those people would have believed in God at some time but they died to soon? I asked a pastor this and he said, well, Tricia, that is the devil. The devil doesn't give you a chance. If he can take the chance he will take the chance. God, however, wants you to lead a long full life. I thought, why can a murderer be saved at the very end of his life and go to heaven, while someone who may obey God all their lives will still go to heaven, but have done the right thing all along? It does not matter, all that matters is in the end God will win. God will know if that person being executed is sincere in his remorse. A sin is a sin in the eyes of God. I am starting to let go of guilt, and starting to forgive myself. Yes, I am not perfect, I have sinned, I do sin, I will always sin, but that is why Jesus died for me. God knew we would sin. I am sick of all the snakes that are thrown at me every day. You no longer have power over me, yes, you may know my weaknesses, but I know my strengths, and that is God. Goodbye you evil devil. You have taken too much from me already. My perception on life, which is distorted and I know this, You may "exist", but you do not "exist" anymore in my life. I surrender to God and I say goodbye to you. I will leave by saying, I don't hate you devil and I forgive you because that is the last thing you would want me to say and the first thing God would want me to do.
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