I grew up believing life was a fairy tale. Even though fairy tales can be good and bad, I believed fairy tales were nothing but good things. I grew up believing people never died, people never fell out of love, day after day and year and year, life was just perfect. Then, instead of growing up anymore, I just grew up. I learned the reality of the world.
The world, you see, is a beautiful place if you choose to see it that way. However, when looked at in a different perception, it can be equally as ugly. Sometimes I wish I never would have watched the news, clicked on that sad new's article, listened to that radio show that was just making me sad. I have seen and heard so many good things, along with bad, however, I don't know what is real and what is not real anymore. Did that really happen? Is this really happening? Who am I in this world? Am I just a figment or a real person? Am I just taking up space, waiting for the next generation to come along, and soon I will be history just like all those before me. Was I really supposed to be around to witness 9/11? Was that really even supposed to happen, did that really happen? Why did Hitler live? Why do the good ones die and the bad ones live? Why do the bad ones get everything they want sometimes, and the good ones get not as much. I think I have finally figured it out. The ones who seem to have it all (basically the seven deadly sins), are the ones who literally sell their soul to the devil. I have seen the rise and fall of so many, and I am not even 30 yet. Things sure are tempting. Money, fame, fortune, admiration, but at what cost? I find it rather odd that the ones who seem to be so fortunate to have all these things: Marylin Monroe, James Dean, John Lennon, JFK, etc...are the ones who die young and who die in a mysterious way. I am not saying these particular people sold their souls to the devil, I am saying that there is a price to pay for everything you do in this world. You cannot possible have it all. You take the good with the bad. We are all struggling in our own ways, and frankly I am afraid to know the truth about how the world really works. We probably really know nothing unless we work for the government. I would just hate to find out what is really going on out there. Is Osama's location really known but he is being protected by a particular party? We as the general public would panic if we new everything I am sure. Thank God they don't tell us. I am sure if is for our own benefit and so the world would not panic. Let's face it, the news gets watched when it is bad news. The people who do bad things get more attention then the ones who do good things: Charles Manson, Ted Bundy, Ed Gein, Jack the Ripper, Casey Anthony, Adolf Hitler. Those are only to name a few. The world is full and has been full of bad since the beginning of time. Some people may argue that Adam and Eve are the reason, and my heart would have to agree with them. The fruit of temptation surrounds us everyday. God knew Adam and Eve would sin. There are basketball players, baseball players, rappers (who rap about drugs and sex), making millions of dollars. They go to strip clubs to "make it rain", you know when they throw all the money in the air for the dancers so it looks like it is raining money on them. Well, isn't that great? Meanwhile, the teacher around the corner is trying to make ends meet, and the guy is standing on the corner holding a sign for some company to make 20 bucks to feed his family because he got laid off. Then, as far as healthcare, there are some people who are so rich they could literally save thousands of lives and even other countries! Money ruins people. I truly believe that. I do not want a lot of money, it would change me, I have seen it change many. Have you ever heard of the curse of lottery? The same goes with fame and fortune. I see now that it is not all that it is cracked up to be. When those "famous" people go home, they are alone. Look at Britney, Lindsey, Paris...they have all been in the news for drugs, sex, stealing. They have all the money they could ever need and guess where it goes. Yes, up their nose.
It would be pretty cool to be famous, and loved and admired but then with all that comes the "haters". The same amount of people who love you will hate you and all for different reasons. You would have hate groups directed towards you, blogs of terrible things being said, being on the covers of magazines with terrible headlines. Then, there are the ones America sympathizes with, you know the Jennifer Anistons and the Sandra Bullocks to the Mia Farrows. They seem to be the good hearted ones, yet, they have had love leave them, for other loves, who may be more fun but I cannot imagine them being more satisfying.
I am not perfect, I do sin and I am not self righteous. However, just because some people don't believe in God, does not mean He does not exist. If you don't believe in God, OK, that's fine, but hell is still around and not going any where so you may very well just end up there. I remember asking my pastor, "why is it fair that a murderer can kill 30 people, go to death row, then as soon as he is about to be killed, asks God for forgiveness and may go to heaven?" The pastor replied "His sins are no worse then your (mine) sins in the eyes of God." A sin is a sin in the eyes of God. Having known God my whole life, I often wonder where this "Saved" thing comes from. I finally realized that is for people who have no known God their whole lives, then they realize His power. Although, I do believe in God whole heartedly, I still believe in the death penalty, and war if need be. So, what about "Thou Shall Not Kill", well, that is where sin comes in. I know my thinking may be wrong, but I cannot imagine a country not sticking up for itself or a man or woman who has axed people to death not dying themselves. Then the whole argument "Well, wouldn't suffering in prison be worse then being executed?" Not necessarily. See, they still have tvs, food, get to go outside, get to be around other people, you know things they took from their victims. Maybe I do have some hate in my heart, which is not Christian like, but then I am not perfect. I do believe in eye for an eye, and I am working on that day by day.
If you tailgate me, I will tailgate you, if you are mean to me, I will be mean to you. It may not be the right way, but it is my way, but not the only way so I am working on it. A friend requested I start a blog, and I said what the hell I love to write why not? I am glad I did, thank you Nicole. I had no idea I had all this in my mind at this given time, in fact I thought I was a useless waste of space today having done nothing all day. Not all was lost though, I got to write this blog, which makes me feel better. So, if you will excuse me, I am sure there is a new newscast on TV about the rape and murder of another innocent teen, gotta go.
